The Money Problem

Financial struggles are not uncommon. I would dare to say that every family goes through financial struggles at some point. It is the responsibility of both the father and the mother to make sure that the family can get through these situations, and while each of them has a different role, they both collaborate to ensure the safety of their family. Even if not all marriages successfully get through financial struggle, that does not mean that it is impossible.

Fathers have a unique paternal instinct to protect, care, and provide for their children. In turn, children look up to their fathers as an almost mythical role model, with an inborn drive to make their father proud and live up to his expectations. He doesn’t just provide for his family; he protects them from poverty. He shelters them, takes care of their needs for a roof, food, and clothing. While Dad has a job, the family feels secure. Even in a two-income home, it seems, children sense that Dad is the main provider, and therefore the family’s main protector.

In equal importance, mothers can provide for the family in many of the same ways as fathers, but for the sake of contrast, let’s look at a different way in which they can provide. Most prominent for stay-at-home mothers is taking care of children, which is a time consuming and physically demanding work. For many years mothers are focused on only one place, ready for on-call 24/7 for emergencies. Relatively few other jobs can take priority over anything else they want to do in life, make them work weekends indefinitely, and wake you at 3 am and demand an immediate response. In consequence, it is no surprise that the role of the mother in the family is often seen as more important and valuable.

Therefore, both fathers and mothers carry the weight of providing for their families in all senses. However, when financial struggles arrive, the stress caused by it can cause a huge number of problems for them. Psychologists routinely state that about 70% of divorces result from financial concerns; attorneys have stated that it is about 80%. I believe that the problem lies in not knowing how to handle financial struggles because all families go through this, but not all of them end in rupture.

Many partners, rather than working together, start to place blame on the other person, which creates discord and resentment in the relationship. However, even if both partners try to work together, financial strain can create additional stress. Worries over bill payments, collectors, and repossessions/evictions overshadow positive aspects of a married life together. To minimize and prevent those issues from becoming bigger problems it is important to start with the simple act of having conversations about money. Understanding each other’s priorities and how and why you spend before major expenses are made can help you plan for them as a team instead of being on opposing sides of a money argument

I came from a low-income family. Despite the lack of money, we always found time to go to the beach every summer, go for some entertainment and find time for one another. This does not mean that life was easy. It was not. I can recall countless nights when my mother would talk with my dad about how they were going to get through the end of the month, or how they were going to provide food for my brother and I the next week. Despite all this, they always had the hope that my brother and I would have a good future, and that the hard times would not last forever. They were right.