The heart of the father

What makes a man? There are, certainly, many traits and values that constitute a man. Today, I wanted to share some of the qualities that I believe every man should possess to have a positive impact as a father. Of course, all the attributes that I will talk about today can also be present in women, but I will be speaking only in terms of men seeing that the framework I will be addressing today is the role of the father in the family.

The first two attributes I would like to share some thoughts about are gentleness and toughness. For a father, these attributes should be present in a balance because a father that is only soft, sweet, and mild-mannered at all times would lack the strength of character to bring forth change when needed, either to protect or correct his family. On the other hand, a father that is only tough, strict, and temperamental in every situation would lack the ability to be approachable and provide emotional support and council; he would not be able to be a safe haven for his loved ones. In consequence, a father should find a balance between toughness and gentleness to be able to effectively protect and develop a healthy relationship with his family.

The next attribute I want to talk about is patience. This attribute tends to be a very hard one for a lot of men for many reasons, a short temper, a sincere sense of urgency, or a lack of understanding, among others. A father should seek to understand that there are things that are beyond his control in his family, and, no matter how terrifying it might seem sometimes, that this is okey. All family members are different, and all of them move at different speeds, some of them process things, mature, or change their habits at their own pace, so a father should do his best to give each member of his family the time they need to progress and be willing to walk with them every step of the way. Granted, waiting for things to happen or change in the family can become frustrating, specially if it seems that no efforts are being made to move forward; despite this, sometimes all that a father needs to do is to silently wait in the background and provide a safe environment for his family to grow. Therefore, a patient father supports, understands, and allows his family to progress in their own time.

The final attribute I wanted to discuss is selflessness, which is probably the hardest attribute for a father to cultivate. It is not easy for anyone to forfeit their expectations, goals, and sometimes their dreams for the good of those they love, but a father with his heart in the right place is and always will be capable of putting his family before himself. A selfless father does not seek fame or riches to be happy because the happiness of his family becomes his own happiness, their goals become his goals, their dreams his dreams, and their desires his desires. With this new-found purpose in life a father becomes capable of going far beyond he ever thought he would be able to. I have heard and seen countless of examples of fathers whose bodies would not be able to withstand the stress and demands of his life, but finding strength in the value of his family, he is able to run the distance. A selfless father splits his heart in pieces for his family and only in the well-being and connection to all his family members he becomes whole.

There are many more attributes that make a man, and a man is more than the sum of his parts, but I believe that these four qualities, toughness, gentleness, patience, and selflessness are vital components for a father to leave a lasting impact on his family, as every man should.